


Sharks Are Bullshit

by gooberAscendant



Series: Dave Makes People Watch Bad Shark Movies [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Shark Movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2131164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooberAscendant/pseuds/gooberAscendant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the prompt: Melodrama/Monster Movie</p>
<p>(HSWC Bonus Round 6)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sharks Are Bullshit

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: THAT WAS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE GOD FORSAKEN LIFE.  
CG: I COULD LIVE FOR A MILLION SWEEPS, SCOURING PARADOX SPACE FOR EVERY HORRIFIC PIECE OF ENTERTAINMENT THAT EXISTS, AND STILL NEVER FIND ANYTHING AS UNBELIEVABLY STUPID AS THAT MOVIE.  
CG: WHY YOU CHOSE TO TORMENT ME WITH THIS HORROR BEYOND HORRORS I CANNOT FATHOM.  
CG: IF YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO VACILLATE OUR RELATIONSHIP PITCHWARDS, PERHAPS YOU COULD CHOOSE A LESS SEVERE FORM OF VICIOUS TORTURE AS YOUR OPENING MOVE IN THE FLIRTATION PROCESS.  
CG: NOT THAT I DON’T APPRECIATE THE SHEER BRUTALITY, BUT TRADITIONALLY CIVILIZED PEOPLE LIKE TO EASE INTO THAT SORT OF THING.  
CG: TOSS AROUND A FEW INNOCENT PRANKS TO TEST THE WATERS INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY HURLING THE SUBJECT OF THEIR HATRED INTO THE SHARK INFESTED DEEP.  
TG: cmon sharknado is hilarious and you know it  
CG: I KNOW NO SUCH THING.  
CG: IN FACT EVEN ITS NAME IS SO OFFENSIVE TO ME THAT I FORBID YOU FROM SPEAKING IT EVER AGAIN.  
CG: EVEN THAT SMALL REMINDER IS UNBEARABLE.  
TG: dude you are so exaggerating  
TG: you liked it admit it  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
TG: i mean of course its bad  
TG: thats the whole point  
TG: but its bad in all the right ways  
TG: and it knows its bad so its like youre in on the joke at first  
TG: but then a few parts are actually good so they turn it around on you  
TG: make you think its all a joke but then make you kinda like a character  
TG: but not enough to ruin the original joke  
TG: its beautiful in a way  
CG: NO, FUCK THAT.  
CG: NONE OF YOUR IRONY BULLSHIT.  
CG: ONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAD A TAGIC SHARK-RELATED BACKSTORY AND NOTHING CAN EVER BE OKAY AGAIN.  
CG: MY ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE JOY HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY DAMPENED BY THE MISTREATMENT OF STORYTELLING, PHYSICS, AND LOGIC THAT WAS DISPLAYED.  
CG: MY EMOTIONAL RANGE, WHICH ALREADY TEETERED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE PRECIPICE OF ETERNAL MISERY HAS NOW TUMBLED HEADLONG INTO THE INKY BLACK ABYSS.  
CG: ARE YOU HAPPY, DAVE?  
CG: YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE WITH A SINGLE SHITTY MOVIE.  
CG: THIS CAN BE THE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT IN YOUR WIDE ARRAY OF AWARDS FOR RUINING MY LIFE.  
CG: JUST PUT IT RIGHT AT THE TOP OF YOUR DISPLAY CASE WITH THE REST OF THEM.  
TG: so do you wanna watch ghost shark tonight or what  
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON WOULD YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE I WOULD EVER WATCH ANY MOVIE WITH YOU EVER AGAIN?  
TG: okay see you at 8

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]


End file.
